A Spouse’s Story (II)

I am the wife of a pornography addict. The first time I caught him (found porn sites on our Internet history) he promised that it was just “a lark” and he didn’t need counseling, and would never do it again.

I BELIEVED HIM.

A few years later I found out he has been lying to me about everything in our life: saying he paid a bill when he didn’t, saying he got a B+ in a class that he actually flunked, etc. He even made up a fake report card to cover the flunking. I then found out the porn was back. Not only was he viewing Internet porn at home, but viewing it at his work, then going into the men’s room and masturbating. He even bought pornographic videos and watched them at work.

I was 19 weeks pregnant with our second child when I found out. I immediately sought out help FOR ME. I was told by a minister that it wasn’t adultery (then what did Jesus mean?) and even that despite being disgusted by my husband, hurt and shamed by him, I HAD to have sex with him if he wanted.

Every day I wake up thinking “Do I have the strength to make him leave?” He has stopped going to counseling, he went maybe three or four times. He says he is not even tempted anymore. How can I believe this when he was willing to risk losing his job for his addiction? How can I believe anything he says when I find out he has lied to me throughout our entire marriage about little and BIG things? How can I know he is not cheating on me with a real, live woman? And what can I tell my daughter one day when she wants to know about “true love” and marriage?

Men, this DESTROYS your wives. Please, get help.

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