Machete Kills

Machete doesn’t joke. Machete doesn’t tweet. Machete, well… he kills, , and he kills a lot.

Anyone, who has followed the evolution of the Danny Trejo/Robert Rodriguez creation “Machete” knows the origins of “Machete” trace back to the fake trailer Rodriguez did in conjunction with Quentin Tarantino for their double-feature tribute to exploitation movies “Grindhouse”. Well Machete is back, and now he’s working under direct order from the President of the U.S. to take down a Mexican cartel member-turned-revolutionary, Marcos Mendez, who has a missile pointed at Washington D.C. Machete is their only hope.

Machete is hired by the U.S. government to stop Mendez at all costs, however after arriving in Mexico and leaving another trail of bodies, Machete discovers that Mendez suffers from a split personality, and at times the ruthless “loco” dictator, can also be a reasonable man. Unfortunately his “loco” side has stitched the trigger to the missile into his chest and attached it to his heart, which will launch the missile if he were to die.

A bounty is placed on the head of “Mendez the Madman” and Machete, and everyone on either side of the border wants to collect the reward by taking the two men down. The movie follows these two men as they are confronted at every turn by various parties out to kill them, usually with gruesome results for those that would stand in Machete’s way.

The plot for this film, is pretty standard, considering it’s nothing more than a 21st century exploitation film. But if you’re going to see “Machete Kills,” you’re probably not too concerned with a complicated plot, and you’re not looking for characters to change and find redemption; no, you’re there to see what Machete promises, and that is to kill, and kill often.

Which brings us to the content of the film…

There is plenty that a typical audience member will deem offensive. There is hardly a scene where someone isn’t being killed, or someone isn’t spraying a four-letter profanity; usually it’s someone spraying profanity while spraying someone with bullets, or machetes, or whatever weapon happens to be handy. The instances of profanity are far too numerous to mention, suffice to say they are frequent and of every variety.

The violence in this movie is purposely over the top—way, way, way over the top. Within the movie’s first five minutes, there is your typical “Mexican standoff,” a bunch of bad guys face-off with a bunch of worse guys, all armed to the teeth with semi-automatic assault weapons, bullets fly and bodies pile. The mayhem only escalates from there. Every possible way that one could get killed is on display here. Though there is plenty of gunfire, Machete’s weapon of choice is his namesake, a broad, stainless steel, razor-sharp machete. He uses it to stab, but mostly it’s used to separate limbs from bodies. There are countless decapitations from the machete, but also from helicopter blades, boat motors, knives and various other sharp-bladed objects. There is a scene of a woman getting shot in the eye, a man getting his face burned off, and various people being disemboweled.

Though it is far less frequent than the profanity and violence of the film, there is a fair amount of sexual dialog and sexual situations in the film.

There is a simulated sex scene that is done as if it is in 3D, with the images being distorted, as if one were watching without the aid of 3D glasses. The film is one of a rare breed of films that is NOT actually in 3D. One of the locations is a brothel, and there are many times when women are in various stages of undress. There is a lot of sexual talk and dialog involving various sexual acts. The woman who runs the brothel at one point wears a “machine gun bra” and later wears a “crotch gun.” In one scene, one of the girls is wearing chaps, and her bare butt is clearly seen.

This film is pretty much a no-brainer. Most readers, particularly of this Web site, would be wise to stay clear of “Machete Kills.” However, if one is inclined to see this, they probably have seen the previous incarnations of this franchise (there is a 3rd “Machete” film slated to be “Coming Soon”) and know what they are getting into.

Violence: Extreme / Profanity: Extreme / Sex/Nudity: Heavy to extreme

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